I didn’t appreciate what I had until it was far too late — Josh and I had been unhappily married for twelve long years. Although it’s easy for me to demonize him, looking back I realize he was just as miserable as I was. It wasn’t unusual for Josh to arrive home well past the time when the first streaks of daylight were…

An analysis of 10,000 writers reveals the ultimate list of publications you should be using (but you’re probably not) — Are you having a hard time figuring out where to submit your next article? Try throwing darts or asking a monkey to help you make this important decision — and you might do better than your fellow writers. I made a bot that scraped through 10,000 writers here on Medium…

Making America great again — with a little help — Make America Great Again! Save America Again! Please make sure to support the local economy by reminding everyone to purchase products that were proudly MADE IN AMERICA. Oh, but wait. I just realized something. All those promotional banners are expensive. How are we going to pay for them?

I can’t remember which one paid more. But anyhow, you need to follow these tips. — I made $5 MILLION DOLLARS from writing online. Oh, and I also joined the mafia. But yesterday, I got a call from the IRS asking where all that money came from. Of course they want to know how I got rich! Normally I’d charge $599 for this information, but I'm…

This incredible opportunity to give me money won’t last long! — Are you still struggling to build an audience? Poor you. I gained 100K followers just by eating breakfast. That’s right — I have an extra 100 kilos following me around after just one meal. I know you’re jealous. Now that I’ve established social proof, I want to reveal the secrets…

Top writers often get less views than newcomers. Here’s why. — We’ve all seen this happen. Some newcomer is getting millions of views. They’re consistently showing up on the front page of Reddit. Their follower count doubles. A week later, it triples. Quadruples. Before you know it — Crickets. They’re back to 23 claps per article. This has led many top…

One small step for man — a step accompanied by bacon — Life for astronauts aboard the early Apollo missions was far from glamorous. Men were often forced to assume awkward positions in the cramped quarters, and there wasn’t enough room for a toilet. Astronauts had to deposit their junk into bags, which often leaked. But there was one thing every man…

The Toilet Paper is now open for submissions! — One of the worst parts of finishing a new draft is going through the long process of submitting it to editors. Because you know it’s going to get rejected. And it stings. I know, I’ve been there. It still happens to me quite a bit. I can’t promise rejection will…

There’s only one way to find out — If you’ve been following me for a while, you probably know I love tinkering with AI. I already made a bot that scraped thousands of articles on Medium to determine what makes creators successful, and it hit me — why not use the data to train AI to write headlines…